Hiei meet Cosmo and Wanda
by Kaze Tsukai
Summary: Nonsense funny story that gives Hiei fairy godparents. He plans to take over the world by kidnapping Mickey and throwing cheese from off the top of the Empire State Building.
1. Meet the Parents

I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or the Fairly Odd Parents  
  
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Hiei sat in his tree totally miserable because it was raining.  
  
*Poof*  
  
Two short people with wings appeared right in front of him. The female one had pink hair, and her husband had green hair  
  
"I'm Cosmo." Said the green one.  
  
"And I'm Wanda." The pink one continued.  
  
"And we're...your fairy godparents." They chorused.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Don't you know what we can do, sport?" Wanda asked him.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"We grant wishes."  
  
"Ooh, ooh wishes I want a wish."  
  
"So I could wish for a monkey, and you would have to get it for me."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Ooh, ooh a monkey. I wanna be a monkey. Make me a monkey. Monkeymonkeymonkey.  
  
*Poof *  
  
Where Cosmo had been jumping up and down, and green monkey was now jumping up and down, screeching.  
  
"I wish he would shut up."  
  
*Poof*  
  
The monkey was still jumping up and down, but no sound was coming out of its mouth.  
  
Hiei was intrigued that it had worked, so he tried wishing again.  
  
"I wish for World Domination."  
  
*Poof*  
  
Instead of a world population bowing down to him, a bright pink book with the words "Da rules" embossed on the front squashed him.  
  
Wanda looked up from reading the book. "Uh according to the rules World Domination is bad. We can't grant you any wishes that are bad."  
  
"World Destruction?"  
  
"Also bad."  
  
"But why would I want you to destroy the world for me? No it is much more fun to do that yourself. Mwah-ha-ha-ha. I'll have to rob the national bank, steal the Internet, race down to Florida and kidnap Mickey..."  
  
Hiei realized that Cosmo and Wanda were staring at him.  
  
"Uh... I wish for sweet snow."  
  
The name of this chapter is not mine either, so don't sue me Mlah ;-p 


	2. Roasted Duck

I only have five dollars so if you sue me you won't get much. I don't own YYH, or The Fairly Odd Parents, or Disney World, and related characters.  
  
Hiei Meet Cosmo and Wanda  
  
Ch. 2 Roasted Duck  
  
Hiei sat on the widest branch of his tree, and polished off his third box of rocky road ice cream.  
  
"Do you want more ice cream, sweetie?" Wanda asked him.  
  
"No, and I'm not sweet. I strive not to be sweet...in any way."  
  
"Ohh ohh, I wanna drive, drive, oh oh pick me meeeeee."  
  
"I wish I had ear plugs. "  
*Poof*  
  
"Hn."  
  
"So what do you want to do now sweetie?" Wanda asked .  
"..."  
  
"Sweetie?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Doesn't anybody ever listen to me?!" Wanda screamed.  
  
Hiei took out his ear plugs and Cosmo paused in his jumping off the walls.  
  
"No!" Hiei and Cosmo chorused, before resuming their earlier actions.  
  
"I wish we were at...DISNEY LAND!!!!!!!"  
  
*Poof*  
  
"Wow! This is like a dream come true. I never got to come to Disney World when I was a child. My mother wouldn't take me. She never loved me. She threw me off the side of the island. My life sucks."  
  
"Oh sure wallow in self pity, Whatever, I'm going to ride on Space Mountain."  
  
"I didn't know you knew what the word wallow meant." Wanda admitted impressed.  
  
"Look a Wallow!" Cosmo said pointing to a bird.  
  
"Never mind"  
  
"Look it's that infernal duck." Hiei yelled pointing dramatically.  
  
"Puck! Where!" Cosmo screamed covering his head.  
  
"Hockey accident long story." Wanda explained.  
  
Hiei wasn't listening to Wanda, he was striding up to Donald Duck, who was surrounded by a bunch of children waiting for his autograph.  
  
"Move."  
  
"Hey, son, you listen here my kids were first in line, now you wait your turn." A father yelled at him.  
  
Hiei pulled out his katana and began to cut the man's hair.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Psyco Freak with a sword RRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!"  
  
"Now, Duck," Hiei said, poking the man in the duck suit with his sword, "Take me to your leader. Where is the mouse?"  
  
"AAAHHHH help me!!!"  
  
"Won't talk ehh...Well I always wanted to eat roast duck."  
  
Hiei pulled back his arm and aimed it at Donald Duck.  
  
"Dragon of Darkness Flame!"  
  
(A.N. Don't worry nobody dies...yet, they just get really big boo boos.a.a.n. That line wasn't mine either it was from George of the Jungle)  
  
"Now where is that mouse?" Hiei asked himself skipping off. 


	3. A hostage situation

I own only a pair of shoes.  
  
Hiei continued his search for Mickey Mouse. He ran down a road and past an old town. Train tracks ran over his head. He searched through a crowd of people and found his quarry. He pushed people out of the way to get to the mouse.  
  
"Move." He pushed a father out of the way. Cosmo and Wanda in the forms of squirrels followed.  
  
"Hey!" the father screamed irate.  
  
Hiei unsheathed his katana. "Move."  
  
The crowd around the mouse dissipated.  
  
"Mouse, you are mine. Come with me."  
  
The mouse did not protest seeing as how Hiei looked very menacing in his cloak, with his unsheathed katana.  
  
"Cosmo, Wanda, I wish we were in a very deserted place."  
  
Poof  
  
The odd group appeared in a desolated hall. A few tumbleweeds rolled past them.  
  
"Hey, there's no dessert here, stupid wand!" Cosmo began to hit himself in the head with the wand, "That's not ice cream, that's not brownies, that's not..."  
  
"Man I just got out of this (censored) asylum. (Censored). God I hate my (censored) life." Mickey grumbled.  
  
Hiei unsheathed his katana, "Shut up, hostages are not allowed to talk." To Wanda he asked, "Why are we in an institution of higher education?"  
  
At the word education Cosmo broke off his dessert tangent and hid in a locker.  
  
"Education, don't let it find me!"  
  
"Never mind the answer to why we are here, I wish I had a phone."  
  
Poof  
  
Hiei picked up the receiver and dialed a number. He waited a couple of rings, before the machine picked up.  
  
For hotel information press one...if you would like to speak with an operator press zero  
  
Hiei triumphantly mashed the zero key.  
  
"Hello Disney I have your mouse. If you ever want to see it again, I need four thousand tanks, all the sweet snow in the world, five hundred fighter planes, and a shrink ray...all to be delivered to the higher education..."  
  
"Education!"  
  
"Institute on the corner of 5th and Main. If what I have requested is not delivered by five o'clock, the mouse gets it. " Hiei finished and slammed the phone down on it's cradle.  
  
Mickey seemed very curious as to what they were going to do with him.  
  
"What the (censored) are you going to do to me. I want to (censored) know right now what is going to happen to me you (censored) (censored) (censored) (more censored)."  
  
While talking to Hiei, he was not watching where he was going, and fell down a flight of stairs.  
  
Hiei, Cosmo and Wanda all peered over the banister to see if Mickey was okay. They saw him in a heap at the foot of the stairs.  
  
"(Censored)." Echoed all the way up the stairs. "I think he's all right." The group proceeded down the stairs, and exited the school though the front doors."  
  
"...The mouse gets it." A male voice finished before slamming down the phone.  
  
The startled operator stared at the phone. She gingerly got up out of her chair and buzzed her supervisor.  
  
BEEP  
  
"What!?" "Um, sir when just had a delusional call and say he had 'our mouse'; and he had a list of demands to be delivered or 'the mouse gets it.'" The small brunette relayed.  
  
"We don't have a mouse and we don't need to meet any of this crazy man's demands."  
  
"Okay sir."  
  
A/N Sorry it took so long I had a bad case of writers block I'm debating whether to have Kurama or Youko come and play football with Hiei, and whether they should be on the same or different sides. Help! Thankies to all my reviewers  
  
Paige-Leigh: I can't understand you. Glad u think it's okay though  
  
Psychocatgal: I know and u know but Hiei doesn't  
  
Dark Chobit: Darkie-Chan! Heh heh Donald got roasted.  
  
Crimson-illusions: Awesome name. But, Hiei thinks that the fun is in the hunt. right Hiei?  
  
Hiei- nods  
  
Ryu-parshathmon of the Sennen: Hiei doesn't like Kuwabara unless he wanted to kill something more challenging.  
  
Yami-AJ Yu-Yu-InuCaptor: How many animes are in your name? Wishing for Kuwabara to be dead is against the rules.  
  
Hiei- Stupid reviewers, wishing the big orange baka dead is against the rules. Besides why take the fun out of the murder.  
  
A/N- whacks him with newspaper Bad Hiei. Bad boy. Kennel.  
  
Hiei- runs to dog house. Scratches flea 


	4. Football

Hiei Meet Cosmo and Wanda 

Chapter 4:** Football**

The motley crew (A/N: oooooh I luuv that phrase) loitered outside the front doors of the school, waiting for Disney to deliver Hiei's demands. Hiei occupied a tree near the school, Cosmo was jumping constantly higher on a trampoline, Mickey was doing something not P.G. rated with some illegally grown plant, and Wanda was her cookbook.

Hiei gazed longingly at the football field.

"Never made the football team in high school. I was the geek stuck in the mascot suit." Hiei sniffed.

Cosmo discontinued jumping, Mickey began coughing up a lung, and Wanda gazed up at him.

"Uhh... Sweetie..."

"I wish to play football."

"That's just vague enough to work." Cosmo cried gleefully.

**Poof**

A team of demons appeared on the field. Among their ranks were Hiei, Kurama, Jin (oh yeah), Youko, Kuronue, Touya, Younger Teguro (not the shoulder monkey), Chuu, Shishiwakamaru, Karasu (shiver), and a random kitsune named Bob.

(A/n: Spandex...drool)

The team that appeared opposite the Demons was a group of ningens, consisting of the entire team from the movie **Remember the Titans**.

The Demons warmed up by beating the football to a pulp. The Ningens warmed up completely differently.

"Everywhere we go."

"Everywhere we go."

"People wanna know."

"People wanna know."

"Die you evil sack of pigskin."

"We are the Titans."

"The mighty, mighty Titans."

"Mighty, mighty Titans."

"Release the air from its animal hide prison."

A shrill whistle pierced the air.

Yusuke in a referee shirt, walked up to both teams.

"Illegal dancing, and foul, over zealous handling of the ball."

"Yeah," Kookaburra said, also in a ref shirt, "You get a ticket."

Yusuke hit himself on the head.

"Shall we begin this freak show?"

Both teams stepped onto the field, and the cheerleaders went nuts.

"Yay...umm which team are we rooting for." Keiko asked.

"The idiots running around in spandex." Shizuru replied lounging on the bench.

"Oh okay. GO TEAM!"

"Hut, hut, hike!"

The ball flew through the air, Kurama ran to catch it, but Youko got their first.

A flood of rabid fan girls swarmed the field crying, "YOUKO, KURAMA, WE LOVE YOU."

Youko and Kurama were swept up in the tide and carried of to parts unknown. Kuwabara was busy giving tickets to the fangirls for speeding.

After the fangirls had trampled the field (a/n: not to mention all the players.) Shishi was the first demon to rise from the ashes of the attack.

This action brought another rain of fan girls upon the field. This time the girls were crying, "SHISHI WE LOVE YOU!"

Blimp View

Thousands of brown and black dots swarming blue dot.

Normal View

Shishi was being carried off by the new wave of fangirls.

"Help me!" was the last they heard of him.

After the second wave of fangirls had cleared the field, Jin stood up.

"Well, tha' was o' bi' interesin' eh."

A lone fangirl dashed down the steps of the stadium.

"JIN I LOVE YOU!"

She ran out on to the field and tackled Jin.

Blimp View

Brown dot runs to red dot. Dots collide. Lose sight of red dot. Comes back into view. Red dots runs behind gray rectangle, brown dot follows. Red dot runs behind black rectangle. Brown dot follows.

Normal View

"JIN!"

Brown dot... I mean the fangirl finally catches up with Jin. She hugs him and falls backward.

Kuwabara walked up and gave them a parking ticket.

"Illegal Parking."

(A/n I know I know short chappie, but what ever happened to Mickey.)

A: Looks up at Mickey with his tail tied to a tree branch

Mickey: (censored)

A: Yay I finished another chapter.

Hiei: Another pointless chapter.

A: Why?

Hiei: Did we ever actually play football?

A: Weell I did tackle Jin.

Hiei: Hn.

A: Thankies to lovely reviewers. Oh and thankies to my Lovely Beta Reader **Dark Chobit** even though I didn't send her this chapter.

**Fatman**- Oh yes cool monkeys

**KuramaandHieiaresohot**- what about Jin he's hot too, and he has an accent. That's a big plus right there

**Dark Chobit**- Yay for booboo's but sorry he gets strung up by his tail. Close enough?


End file.
